No, not an oyster. Me. And yes, the answer is a noisy noise, but what from, is the question? Well, okay, apart from screaming kids at the checkout, war time sirens, or fingernails scraping down a distempered wall, it's water pipes that judder like pneumatic drills.
After paying a plumber an exorbitant amount to investigate the cause, he announced it was due to a leak in my water meter, which was allowing air into the system. He advised me to contact my water company, which I did- on 16th August.
As we are now galloping into September and the noise has not abated, I 'phoned to check whether Portsmouth Water had made any attempt to sort the leak. According to the customer service doyen, a report had been made that part of the meter had been 'tightened'. Hmm...
Next Tuesday another 'operative', as the jargon goes, will call to inspect it further, and to get my personal report of the problem. What a joy that will be. I can hardly wait...
Meantime, I daresn't turn a hot tap on beyond a measly trickle, or the pipes sound as though the wrath of the gods is upon me. Perhaps it is...
Maybe, when I wrote the following lines a while back, I should have known it might not be not be the end of the matter.
There's a Gurgler in my sink
and I think he wants a drink.
When I slowly shift the plug,
that is when he starts to glug
as the water's rushing down.
I do hope that he won't drown.
It can't be very nice to swallow
soapy water from a hollow
gushing, waterpipe (so gloomy!)
in the sink of my bathroomy.