Monday, 3 August 2009

Toilet Humour, Possibly....

In the world of today I'm sitting at the computer. Set your time warp button back to 7th April last year, and you will find I was in front of the same computer then, pondering, while two workmen were endeavouring to bring my bathroom into the twenty first century.

I moved into this house in July 1992. The previous occupants had decorated the bathroom walls with a thick, pseudo wood effect paper, which was probably vinyl of some sort on top of a springy, backing layer about a sixteenth of an inch in thickness. There was no way I could afford to replace it, so to camouflage various holes left there by the removal of their bathroom fittings, I spent an hour or two with the closest matching pattern available in sticky back plastic, trying to match the 'grain' of the pseudo wood as I laboriously patched over the gaps. If I say so myself, the end result was pretty good. Unless you knew where to look, the patches didn't scream 'here I am!' So we lived together harmoniously enough.
With the lump sum payment I got when I retired from the Inland Revenue, I promised myself to get the old bath removed and have a proper shower cabinet instead, together with a modern toilet and basin.

A couple of years ago, I began the search for a reliable firm to carry out the transformation. Thanks to the Internet, I managed to do a lot of research into the ins and outs of available choices of fixtures and fittings, which left me with the task of finding a plumber/ builder to carry out the renovation. Hmm….

I originally tried to arrange interviews with four candidates for the job; the first kept calling me 'darling' and was disqualified out of hand; the second failed to materialise; the third suggested I visit his showroom, but when my son attempted to take us there, we never managed to find it, and the fourth 'phoned back with a quote for the whole job - nothing down on paper- and with a ' nudge, nudge, wink, wink, ' said he'd not charge VAT if I paid cash. As a former Inland Revenue employee, this was an absolute no-no.

So it was back to square one.

Eventually I saw a charming gent from Aqua Bathrooms, got quotes, plans, plus details of fixtures and fittings, and the work began, at last.

It went really well - until the loo had been plumbed in, and they asked me to come and look at the work. AARRGGHH! The wrong loo had been delivered, and instead of the wonderfully streamlined, curvaceous one I'd asked for, there before me sat the most atrociously bulbous, ridged and convoluted monstrosity beyond my wildest dreams - or rather- nightmares. No problem, said the plumber. It could be changed.

Off went another order, and a further week went by to await its delivery.

Then the offending loo was removed, and new one plumbed in. It immediately became obvious, the pan was slightly skewed, as the purpose designed seat only touched the rim on one side, and each time one lowered one's posterior in its direction, there was a disconcerting 'clonk' as the seat settled on to the pan.

Off went another order, and a further week went by to await its delivery.

Then came a call from Aqua - the newly delivered loo was as badly mis-shapen, if not worse, than the other. So we were back to square one.

Off went another order, and a further week went by to await its delivery.

Have you noticed the tedious repetition of this hallowed phrase, folks?

Fortunately, this loo, of a different and highly reputable make, was absolutely fine, a joy to behold as well as comfortable to sit on. But who else, I ask you, would need four loos to find one acceptable?!

I cannot speak highly enough of the firm, Aqua Bathrooms, who contended with all this trauma. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend them to anyone, but I'd warn everyone off choosing a glamorous looking loo made in Portugal. The catalogue picture may be a delight to the eye, but the actual article could turn out to be anything but!

30 comments:

  1. Oh, I hate having workmen in to do anything other than very minor stuff - and even then I hate it. We've been through the whole house renovation thing and I sincerely sympathise. What annoys me most is when they know darned well the item is wrong but they plumb it in anyway and hope you won't notice.

    Glad you got it sorted. Eventually!

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  2. hello jinksy, i imagine that now that all your toilet troubles are behind you that you are flushed with succes?! have a lovely day. steven

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  3. You could write a TV sitcom on this subject, Jinksy!

    Happy sitting....
    Love Granny

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  4. ah the joys of renovation. there are always hurdles and surprises. may the rest go smoothly.

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  5. Oh Jinsky, that must be a special loo if it took 4 tries before you were happy with it...too funny! You should of ended with the word "butt".....thanks for the chuckle my friend, .......:-) Hugs

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  6. oh dear, had you never thought to go with local recommendations? that's what we do here in the sticks; no one would dare to do crappy work, everybody would soon know about it. still, now that you're finally toilet-trained, happy landings! that may sound easy but dodgy knees often let you down with a thump, which doesn't do the fancy apparatus much good in the long run.

    thanks for your message. I'm going to try your mail now. I've tried before but not got any reply, I also have a mail button, right up top, left hand, above the Shakespeare.

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  7. This is timely, I've just begun looking for new bathroom fittings. I'll be going the opposite way to you though and replacing the shower cabinet with a proper bath, I so miss having a bath.

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  8. So happy you have a loo you can enjoy. Nothing worse then sitting on one when the seat doesn't fit properly.

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  9. There's a Rolling Stones song about that - Jumpin' Jack Flush .....

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  10. When I was young I wrote an ODE TO COMMODE, wish I had a copy of it now!!

    Every remodeling project we've ever done has a similar refrain, "awaiting delivery."

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  11. That's a loo-loo of a story, Jinksy!

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  12. I love the term 'loo'... I had to pause...because we don't use that word here ....but I figured it out. Love the languages....loved the post.
    I had a friend who went to England for a visit. She came downstairs while there, and she apologized for being late. (True story..) She said that she was just piddling upstairs and forgot the time. They looked at her strangely. She said when she found out what piddle/piddling means over there, she was embarrassed. She told us that 'piddling' in England means something entirely different than it does in South Georiga (USA.) We say 'piddling' here to mean...wasting time.....just goofing around and not doing anything important. She said that is NOT what it means over there. Was she feeing me a line....or is that true?
    Smiles,
    Jackie

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  13. I expect by now the loo has been well & truly used! Hope so. Otherwise you will need to see the doctor fast!

    Speaking of doctors, have just read the post below & sorry about the impending diabetes. Hope you are managing it well.

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  14. Hello Jinksy,

    As guest house owners, previously, we've had a lot of experience with bathroom fittings and the errors in supply, the delays, the hassle! Sadly, the problem of poor quality isn't confined to bathroom fittings. In the shop now, I am continually disappointed with the standard/finish of goods. They travel half way round the world and it's only when they land up in the shop that the defects are seen! Just a lot of wasted time, energy and money. But it seems easier (and perhaps cheaper) for the suppliers to accept the losses than ensure better quality from the outset!

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  15. ahh...home repairs...bane of my existance. glad you had a company that was as patient as you are.

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  16. I'd be crying, methinks.. you know how it goes.. It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to.... ;)

    A bummer but I'm glad it worked out in the.. end. :)

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  17. Well, I'm glad all has worked out in the end.

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  18. Hi Jinksy. Hope this is not going to be the story of our new bathroom.
    I am sure you have my e mail address because sometimes I think you have sent me an e mail rather than a comment. I thought I had yours but can't find it.
    The thing is that I have the most wonderful slide show of Hubble in space, sent me by a friend who knows someone there. I thought I would send it on to you but there is no way I can do that as you are not on my contact list. Is there any way you can let me know your e mail address - I would so like you to see these fantastic photographs.

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  19. Oh boy, does this bring back memories I'd rather forget! Both Hubby and I are pathetically useless at DIY, even a shelf going up needs a builder. When we moved here 8yrs ago, we tore out all the bathrooms, kitchen, well, come to think of it, most of the the bedrooms too!

    It took 'til two thirds through of this upheaval before we finally found a builder and a plumber we could trust. Still, I am happy to say, both are also firm friends now, and we no longer have that deep dread in our stomach if we need to call anyone out now.

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  20. I received something in the mail today that is so wonderful, so lovely, and that made me smile so big and wide ....made my day! THANK YOU! :)

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  21. I'm thinking, glad it's done with and glad it wasn't me!

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  22. Love how you ended that .. "anything but." Perhaps you meant, "anything butt." :-) Just saying. ♥

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  23. One's loo is particularly important. Nothing worse than parking one's behind on a skew-wiff seat, especially if it hasn't been warmed first.

    CJ xx

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  24. Glad you're now sitting comfortably!

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I'll call back here again.

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  25. Please stop by my site Pen, I have something for you....:-) Hugs

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  26. Oh the frustration! Sounds like you were remarkably patient though.

    I too abhor being called 'darling' by a trademan - or anyone for that matter!

    On a trip to Australia once a shop assistant with a very broad Aussie acccent called me 'dahl' and I had to refrain from giggling as she sounded so much like a character on a TV programme made in Austalia - 'Home and Away' I think it is.

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  27. Oh, this sounds all too familiar to me. I do not like being called any term of endearment by anyone outside of my household. Nada.

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  28. Oh Jinksy, we have been going through building traumas as you know, since last November!! The plumber should have started yesterday. he didn't turn up! AAAH! Doesn't bode well, does it? I'm glad yours was sorted eventually.
    xxx

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  29. Oh dear...and oh dear for me too as my kitchen is about to be 'done'

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