Monday, 15 February 2010

Monday Glumday?

Never! Not while jinksy treads the halls of Blogland. I've had a delightful email from a non-Blogging Buddy of mine which contained the following:-
The Washington Post Submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Now I'm pretty sure, once I post these, there will be a veritable avalanche of words and meanings added by you, my own dear, quick-thinking, word revellers who come traipsing to my door in expectation of a bit of a giggle. Hope your Monday isn't Glumday.

P.S. Thought of one of my own:- FORMAT - a thing by the front door for dogs to wipe their feet on. Come on people - try hard...


  1. Thanks for the Monday cheer-up. I'll have to try to work that "Pokemon" one in a conversation. Ha...

  2. Jinksy -- you never fail to make me laugh -- and this Monday morning pick me up is a welcomed remedy. I can't wait to see what all of your creative followers post to add to the list! Have a wonderful week!

  3. Jinksy, laugh my arse off! Especially #'s 3, 5, 13 & 15...and I think I have, you mind!

    Cheered me right up, it did :D

  4. very very clever jinksy!!!! steven

  5. Like . . . er . . "pocket watch" What you do with it when the strap breaks.
    Or . . "Hurricane." Administering six of the best quickly.
    That sort of thing?

    Heard a beauty on "Sorry, I Haven't a Clue" (BBC Radio Panel Game)
    "Onomatopoiea" - gentleman who can't aim properly at the loo.

  6. Your friend did us all a favor by sending you this list! Every one is really funny. I like them all.

  7. Hi! Glad to have stumbled on your wonderful blog. Enjoyed cruising down the page. Thank you for this delightful read. :-)

  8. Who can think up these things? Too funny!

  9. Golfer – dormant driven desire to swing in public

    I heard that one on Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Got A Clue :)

  10. Thanks, Jinsky. Brightening Monday mornings is the work of angels.

    Okay, I'll add four.

    Avoidable: What a bullfighter must do.

    Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

    Subdued: Like, one of those guys, you know, in the Navy? who works, you know, on a submarine?

    Sudafed: (archaic) bringing litigation against the Federal government

  11. love the lymph definintion...and will just cheers with a coffee to a great Monday! :)

  12. As Jinksy's Monday morning pick-me-up that takes some beating!

  13. I loved those, too! My favorite? Frisbeeterianism! LOL

  14. I'm flabbergasted jinksy......:-) Hugs

  15. I've filched them already! I'm going to my Book Group meeting this-evening. I'm the Leader (very posh). We're discussing 'The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie' but I should be able to slip these in somewhere. Thanks.

  16. I love the humorous word lesson. Right now my brain is dead, but maybe something will come to me later.

  17. I'm making my list as I type this. It will not accept any testicles.

  18. Oh these are fun. OK I'll try a couple...

    Coverage - Hair dye

    Aspire - A fiery snake pit

  19. jinksy, these are hilarious. and quite apt too... as for me, no, i'm not a lateral thinker, sorry.

  20. These are great fun!
    I have visited the young man in the following post above. He is a peer of my grandson Harry, same taste in books!
    Love Granny

  21. Tee hee.

    What about NAPPLE — a grey horse that neighs when you give it fruit.

  22. Thanks for the early morning laugh! I'm as dull as dishwater about these things but will go through my day trying to come up with something witty.

  23. Faggot - When a cigarette you have.

    Piano - Answer in the negative when you don't wish to see a film featuring Zadora.

    (Those are fairly weak, Jinksy, but not as obscene as the first few I thought of :-))

  24. I wish I were that clever, but thanks for posting those. They gave me quite a laugh.

  25. I wanted to pass these a long to the folks who read my wordful wednesday posts...gave you a little shout out. :)

  26. Oh dear,a pokemon,circumvent,and prone to onomatopoiea dreaming of a hurricane from an oyster.A great Footsie and Jinksy combo...coming to your screen soon!
    Snorkles and smirks!

  27. I am admiring Lakeviewer's stance....


    loved it Jinksy!!

  28. Hahaha! Five, seven and thirteen are my favourites!

    I can't think of anything clever right now, but if I do, I'll be back!

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  30. Nice read, but nothing is coming to mind on these lines, but I will share something funny. Our American boss was here and she got the whole team into one room and asked us to tell her about our passions. One guy said he wants to climb the Himalayas by bike and at the end of the story, the boss asked, "Which bike - the one we wear or ride?" And she wasn't joking.

  31. "Schedule" = Christmas in a wooden hut.
    (Probably doesn't work in USA, because I think it's pronounced "skedule" from Maine to the 'Cisco.)

  32. I'm behind in my blogging so only just got to these - brilliant!! Love them!
    Scintillate, n, an early night for naughty people
    Nudity, n, a fresh poem


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