Monday Glumday?

Never! Not while jinksy treads the halls of Blogland. I've had a delightful email from a non-Blogging Buddy of mine which contained the following:-

The Washington Post Submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Now I'm pretty sure, once I post these, there will be a veritable avalanche of words and meanings added by you, my own dear, quick-thinking, word revellers who come traipsing to my door in expectation of a bit of a giggle. Hope your Monday isn't Glumday.

P.S. Thought of one of my own:- FORMAT - a thing by the front door for dogs to wipe their feet on. Come on people - try hard...