Friday, 15 January 2010

Take Two

Being a stubborn sort, I was determined to salvage something from yesterday's goof, so as soon as the porridge had fortified my inner woman, I sat down this morning to let the muse return, if possible. Below is the resultant offering, for which I'd like your suggestions for a title, if you please?


Untitled - but living in hopes...

Meltwater droplets drip on frozen ground.
Air temperatures relax, relinquish hold
on pristine snow that fell from Winter’s hand.
They unlock the vice-like grip of biting cold.

Now, drab and brown, our countryside returns;
no more disguised as one amorphous mound
beneath a cloak whose icy fire burns
while bush and branch, defenceless, hunker down.


The snowbound world held still its frost-rimed breath
as Silence danced light-footed through the land -
leaving in her wake a peace like death,
she forbade the merest whisper; it was banned.

A trespasser is how she made me feel,
in her soulless universe of cold forged steel.

And, because it's Friday, here's one of those slightly annoying, 55 word stories to whet your appetite, whistle, or whatever, as dreamed up by this gentleman.

A gunshot echoed amongst the trees. Birds raucous alarm calls shattered the air in tandem with wing beats, which created swirling eddies in overhead foliage. The sudden brouhaha ceased, as wildlife realized no danger lurked. Only a slight aroma of gunpowder remained to mark the scene where,in surrounding leaf mould, a body lay bleeding.

29 comments:

  1. jinksy, it's a poem that speaks to me....winter personified brilliantly! I'm glad that you sat down, took your pen in hand and wrote it again.
    Warrrrm hugs,
    Jackie

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  2. Hello Jinksy,

    A fine poem; how about 'The Return' or simply 'Thaw'?

    An "ensnaring" 55 too!

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  3. Oh, you must read detective and mystery stories. I like your 55 writing. I have never written a 55, in fact have only written a couple fiction short stories. So I admire those who do write. Good job.

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  4. Yes, me too, : THAW.

    I take it that the body in your story is a bird?

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  5. Derrick and Friko beat me to the punch. "Thaw" leapt immediately to mind.

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  6. ..oh, and I like the poem very much!

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  7. A trespasser is how she made me feel,
    in her silent universe as cold as steel.

    Beautifully put. Though, I admit these lines also reminded me of the proverbial mother in law :)!

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  8. My my, a proper sonnet and the intriguing commencement of a murder mystery all in one post! You are amazing Jinksy! Thanks.

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  9. I LOVE what you just wrote of windows and doors at my place. Yes, yes! Ok. now i'm calm enough to read...
    xo
    erin

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  10. OH MY, that 55 is unforgiving! (I like it!)

    I am a great fan of your first here. It's well structured and yet I feel it.

    (The) Uninvited? could be you or the place/season.

    xo
    erin

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  11. Jinksy...I really liked your story!
    Murder in the wood?
    Excellent 55 My dear.
    What a fine contribution, please play again, and thanks for calling me a Gentleman.
    Have a Kick Ass Week-End....G

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  12. Lovely poem! I'm glad I followed the rabbit trail that led me here! Now to try my hand at the 55 challenge...

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  13. Lovely Jinksy - I think maybe "Winter" because I really don't think it has done with us yet.

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  14. oh wicked 55. love the twist at the end as i was thinking it was a hunter...nicely done.

    my 55 is up!

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  15. How about 'Winter's Hand' for your title. I liked that line best, although it is all very good.
    The story is beguiling. A bird maybe? or a hunter shooting himself by mistake?
    Blessings, Star

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  16. Hmmmmmm. All I had for you was "Mud", which isn't good at all. As with some others, I'd vote for "Thaw".

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  17. "January Thaw".....love it and actually we have just come through one and you have described it beautifully....only we have no brown or mud but the snow has melted quite a bit and it is dirty.......:-) Hugs

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  18. The poem's amazing, I love it! I'm no good at titles either I'm afraid, but I wish you luck because it deserves something amazing.

    I'm here from the 55 crowd meanwhile, and really enjoyed yours: what a moment it captures, and so many possibilities in that ending. Wow!

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  19. The trouble is we will never know how the 55 ends.
    But a well written 55 anyway.

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  20. How about 'Winter Retreat'? What ever you decide, it's a good poem. I really enjoyed it.

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  21. I liked your sonnet..not just a pretty face then!

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  22. That's really good - except I ventured out this morning and it seemed colder than ever... fun ny thing, nature!

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  23. These are both absolutely fabulous!

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  24. Oh you clever woman! Very intriguing 55.
    And as for a title for your wintery/soggy poem, how does 'I need a pee', sound to you? Cause the first line made me think that ;-)

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  25. Love them both. Our own weather feels pretty much like your first poem. How about The Reveal?

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  26. You are an amazing wordsmith, this poem is truly wonderful. A title? It isn't about the promise of spring, more an observation of how the snow has decimated the earth - how about "Slain"? Actually, "Thaw" is probably more apt and fitting..

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  27. After the Snow or Thaw.
    Love your poems and your 55 words.

    Nuts in May

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  28. I just caught up reading blogs. So thankful you have indoor warmth. I had missed that. Wintry weather is trying. But believe me I will be a happy camper with anything after witnessing the horrific earthquake pictures out of our close neighbor Haiti. This country has a troubled history of governmental failures and citizens live in abject poverty.

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  29. i would not dare to presume to title your masterpiece, i had such a hard time clarifing my mess that it four posts to befuddle, and rhymesse said he would have never figured it all out, but i am sre he would have, don't you think jinksy???love putzy

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