Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Work In Progress

Can't decide whether these lines make a whole, so no title - perhaps one of you kind souls will find one for me? Maybe they are three separate things all together... comments needed! And punctuation...

clouds scud overhead
shadows trailing far below
mimic movements

from passing image
calligraphic reflections
trace words on paper

transient picture
encapsulated in time
beneath poet's pen

18 comments:

  1. 'melifluous moments' came to my mind!!

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  2. Three excellent haiku would be my suggestion. No punctuation required. Congrats.

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  3. Can't help you here at all. It feels unfinished, unframed yet.

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  4. Beautiful...but I'm not good with titles...hate that part of writing...

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  5. Not sure Jinksy but would say perhaps something to do with it being a transient theme. Well done for trying to make us think though!

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  6. Transcendental Navigation? No, sounds like a manual for hypnotists! Anyway, the imagery is magical, Jinksy.

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  7. I'd say, given the linear vertical movement, "Top To Bottom", "Heaven To Earth", "Falling Into Place", or something along those lines.

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  8. particularly love the first one and agree with Dave King re: 3 haiku

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  9. I like it all together as a unit.

    The poet seemed to be an airplane passenger who peered out her window and received an inspiration.

    Or so it struck me. You might call it "Scene From Seat 28A" or "Thoughts of an Airline Passenger" or some such.

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  10. Whatever you decide to call it, it's beautiful!

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  11. I really enjoy the fluidity of the imagery in this one. It works for me.

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  12. 3 separate pieces for me. But, your writing is so far superior to mine, I hesitate to state an opinion on your work here! As you know, I find your imagery brilliant!

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  13. Hey Jinks. I like the way you've done three seperates but they are connected. All seem to have the theme of reflection and capturing scenes/images, but I'm not sure of a good title. I'm not too good on titles myself

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  14. I prefer a series of haikus to single ones. Lovely.

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  15. Since you have seen my blog you know that I'm no poet and thus can't comment as one should - but I can see what you see.

    PS Thank you for the nice comment!

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  16. Thanks for all your suggestions, Blogpals...I shall mull over them for a few weeks, in case the Work in Progress changes!

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  17. For some reason "sifting" and "drifting" floated through my head. Love your imagery. I do hope you will tell us where you land when you lift your pen.

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